(Reprinted from my February, 2023 Northwoods Faith & Fiction newsletter, four months after the passing of our beloved son Quinn.)
In the famous children's picture book Going On a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen and illustrated by Helen Oxenbury, the author often has the characters repeating the line:
We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it!
So they slog on through, and that's just the state I find myself in. The usual term is "slogging forward", but that's been tough lately, so I'm focusing on slogging upward asGod is teaching me things bout grief I never knew. It's not that I've never grieved. I've lost people who were dear to me. Friends and family, including three of my husband's brothers who died age 50 and under. So we are acquainted with loss. However, over the past three-and-a-half months, feelings have erupted that I don't know what to do with, so I have to look up. A lot. Like constantly. There is Scripture that means something more to me--or different to me--than it did before. There are conversations with God I never imagined having. So in all that, I'm slogging upward.
My favorite Psalm is Psalm 40, and the first three verses are some of my life verses:
If this doesn't reference slogging, nothing does. But, as in my earlier life, I'm waiting patiently for the LORD, asking him to hear my cry and set my feet on firm ground again, to make my steps secure. Most of all, to put a new song in my mouth, that I will continue to praise my God.
A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT ARE HELPING
I made the move to start writing again. Perhaps it was His timing that I had a deadline facing me when we lost Quinn. I didn't want to write. I don't want to go into the make-believe world of my fictional characters. AND YET...
When I was forced to sit down and work on my deadline project, God used it to steer my thoughts into better places. A good distraction, you might say. A couple weeks ago I wrote THE END on Polly, Book One in the Apron Strings series coming out next year. Polly releases in January 2024. This past week I completed rewrites, where I tie up loose ends, patch plot holes, and deepen my character. It's my favorite part of the writing process. Next, it'll be off to the editor. I do so look forward to introducing you to Polly Holloway, a sweet girl just stepping into the new world of a small town in the 1920s after WWI leaves her a bit bereft in her personal life.
I've also started writing about my son. A friend suggested that I ought to consider doing so, recording his life in memories for his children. My initial thought was that I couldn't do that. It would be much to painful. But in the past few weeks my view has changed. I am dabbling. And it is hard. Very hard. But at the same time it's comforting to know that these memories aren't lost--and won't be. This will be a long, slow process, but I'll keep at it until it's either completed or the Lord calls us up.
New Goals for 2023
*To share updates with you about the upcoming release of Polly as things roll along.
*Thinking about rereleasing another out-of-print book many of you might have never read called Paint Me Althena. It's one of my few contemporary stories. A short novel that's more women's fiction than romance, although there's a romance in it.
*Returning to a project I started last year--the audio recording of The Green Veil. I really want to get this on audio, specifically for a friend of mine who is vision impaired, but maybe other readers would enjoy listening to it too. (By the way, this novel is two reviews shy of 50. I think this series--Empire in Pine--is one of my best works, and I'd love to see it hit 100 at least, but for now 50 would be great! Algorithms, ya know.)
*I'm mulling over a story idea of a heroic adventure of a woman and young girl set on the American frontier during the Revolutionary War. I'll see where that takes me.
* I now have THREE full-length novels and TWO novellas that are written and sitting on my computer drives like a girl at the dance, waiting to be noticed and invited to waltz. These are works that I've written in recent years but for which I haven't found a publishing home. My agent has them, but alas, the winds of publishing houses blow in what directions they may on any given day. I am giving serious consideration to which (if any) of these works I will release independently. Four of them are historical, and one novella is contemporary.
There are always new opportunities, and I have to prayerfully consider each one. I know that God wants me to do just as the nobleman commanded his servants in Luke 19:11, "Do business until I come." So I'll keep aiming at goals and working toward my Father's business as I listen for the trumpet call and watch for the clouds to part.
A song that's been my anthem lately. Maybe it'll speak to you too Love Will Have the Final Word:
