I have to go
back 32 years—two years before I met my wonderful husband—to when I gave birth
to a little girl. Not married at the time, I felt God urge me to relinquish her
to a Christian couple unable to have children. I named my baby, Sarah, in the
hope that one day I would see her again.
That crushed
me, but it was best for my baby at the time, as I wanted her to have a loving
dad as well as a loving mom. I had grown up with a neglectful, alcoholic dad,
so I didn’t really know what a father’s love felt like, but I sure wanted my
child to experience that kind of love.
I also believed
that God would answer my prayers that one day when Sarah was grown, He would
bring us together again, and knit our hearts in a special birth-mom and
birth-daughter relationship.
God was so
good to me in the years following the relinquishment of Sarah. A year after
giving up Sarah, the Lord sent me my sweet husband David and gave us our three
children.
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David and I in
November 1980
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Me and Lana--the
daughter God gave me to keep in 1981.
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Kyle when he was
little. My Sonshine.
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Our youngest, Rob, a
number of years later, on holidays. Rob the apple of my eye.
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Now skip
ahead . . . twenty years later my birth-daughter, Sarah, and I were reunited.
That was wonderful and yet terrible at the same time.
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The day of the
reunion for Sarah and I. Wonderful and difficult. This is Mark (Sarah's
fiance), Sarah, me, Lana, and Rob in front. Kyle was too shy.
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Adoption
reunions are not easy for anyone in the adoption triad. After the reunion I
began to relive my original loss of Sarah. It just hurt so much. She was my
child and yet she was not my child. To my heart-break, it didn't appear
that the long desired special relationship would develop.
I was so
hurt, so angry with God for disappointing me. I had prayed so long and hard,
trusting that He would give me that special relationship with Sarah.
A few months
after meeting Sarah, my husband caught me crying on our living room couch one
day. He slipped out and returned a while later with a brand new pen and
journal. He placed these items into my hands and said, “Here honey, write it.”
That was the
start. My journaling turned into books as the years passed. But always beneath
anything that I write, is the understanding of loss and loneliness, heartbreak,
and the healing and joy that only God can bring.
One day as I
was reading my Bible, a verse jumped out at me. I understood a mother’s love,
but still could not fathom a father’s love. It skewed my understanding of the
Heavenly Father’s love. But the verse in Isaiah 49:15, 16 showed me.
“Can a woman forget the baby at her
breast, and have no compassion on the child she has borne. Though she may
forget, I will not forget you. See…I have engraved you on the palms of my
hands.”
I began to
realize that none of my children, including Sarah, could fill that emptiness in
my heart. As much as I desired a close relationship with all my children, I was
designed for a close relationship with my Heavenly Father.
A few years
later I felt the Lord encourage me to put the emotional and spiritual healing
that He had given me into fictional stories to help others. The day came that
my debut novel about the British Raj in India was about to be released—a story
that has nothing to do with adoption.
My
publisher, WhiteFire, and I were excited as we discussed the design of the
cover.
Me with a group of Christian students in India, 2010
Then I
noticed the model they suggested resembled my birthdaughter. On a whim I
suggested Sarah for the model, and the publisher agreed. Sarah was shy at
first, but she pitched in on this step of faith with me, and I was grateful at
the time for this budding in our friendship.
Sarah
in the sari material I bought in India.
It wasn’t
until later that I realized—that without my ever planning or imagining it—God had
not only inspired me to write because of my sadness over losing my first child
to adoption, but He then placed the face of my beautiful muse on the front
cover of my book.
Only our
Heavenly Father can do something so intricately tender. But the Lord wasn't
finished blessing me yet.
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Sarah teaching
hygiene in Africa
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A few months
after Shadowed in Silk was released, my birthdaughter Sarah and her
husband Mark came to visit. They want to tell us that they felt called to
go into fulltime missionary work with Global Aid Network. They would be working with several
organizations all around the world that specifically helps widows and
orphans.
Sarah and Mark as Medical Missionaries
One of the
missions in their sphere of interest would be the Ramabai Mukti
Mission in India.
When I heard
this I nearly fell off my chair in amazement.
I had never
told Sarah, but the true-life Ramabai
who started the Mukti mission in India was the inspiration behind my novel.
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Many years
ago, I had prayed for the Lord to give Sarah and I a special relationship. It
took a while, but He knit our hearts together in the respective work He gave
each of us to do.
We have to
remember that we serve a God who delights in working with little people and
small things—a shepherd boy, a few smooth stones. A babe in a womb that rocks
the world.
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Sarah with the
children she loves
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When it came
time to release Captured
by Moonlight Book 2 of the Twilight of the British Raj I had to have my
daughter Lana—the daughter God gave me to keep—as the model on the front
cover.
Here are a
few photos of that wonderful, happy day. And my joy at seeing my two daughters
as bookends of joy in my life. Thanks to our Awesome tender-hearted Heavenly
Father.
Both
my beautiful daughters on the books God inspired.
About "Captured by Moonlight"
Prisoners to
their own broken dreams…
After a daring rescue goes awry, the parched north of
India grows too hot for nurse Laine Harkness and her friend Eshana. The women
flee to the tropical south…and run headlong into their respective pasts.
Laine takes a new nursing position at a plantation in
the jungle, only to discover that her former fiancé is the owner…and that Adam
has no more to say to her now than he did when he crushed her years ago. Why,
then, is she still drawn to him and to the tiger cub he is raising?
Eshana, captured by her traditional uncle and forced
once more into the harsh Hindu customs of mourning, doubts whether freedom will
ever again be in her future, much less the forbidden love that had begun to
whisper to her. Is faith enough to live on? Or is her Savior calling her home?
Amid cyclones and epidemics, clashing faiths and
consequences of the war, will the love of the True Master give hope to these
searching hearts?
About the Author: Irish-born Christine Lindsay writes award-winning historical novels. In Shadowed
in Silk and Captured by Moonlight, Christine
delights in weaving the endless theme of the Heavenly Father’s redemptive love
throughout stories of danger, suspense, adventure, and romance. The Pacific
coast of Canada, about 200 miles north of Seattle, is Christine’s home.
Christine Lindsay would love to
connect with you on her website www.christinelindsay.com
Christine posts inspirational
articles 3 times each week on her blog www.christinelindsay.org
Christine would love for you to
like her Facebook page,
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and Pinterest
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